Chronicles of The Ivy

Post date: June 24th, 2016

I have decided to take on a commission on the north side of our house in an area known as The Ivy Bed. As you can see here, the area is quite broad, running from the base of our house to the property line, thus encompassing the entire side yard. On the surface, the rolling swells of The Ivy Bed appear serene, safe--seductive, even. But if you look closer, there is evil afoot. Evil I have vowed to destroy. The evil commonly known as...WEEDS!

Though the mission is foolhardy, and the odds are stacked against me, I have nonetheless taken it on. I believe in my heart of hearts that the ivy deserves to roam freely in its bed, unobstructed by weeds or wayward tree sprouts. I spent my initial day walking the line. Analyzing, strategizing, gathering my courage. Tomorrow I enter the zone.

Post date: June 25th, 2016

I journal my course in an effort to share whatever knowledge I may garner with future generations. And to honor those gardeners who have gone before me. They shall not be forgotten.

Today I was bolstered by news of my husband joining me in The Ivy Bed. Though he is on The Outskirts, and my work is in the heart of The Ivy Bed, we are within shouting distance. Okay, talking distance...but I can't touch him. Well, I could, with a long stick, but none are to be found. 

He has taken on the task of building a wall. A wall that will separate The Ivy Bed from The Neighbor's Lawn. It is a relatively safe commission, as the Weeds near the borders are sparse. But God help him should he cross over into The Neighbor's Lawn. Things would not fare well for him there.

The removal of Weeds has begun. They do not go willingly. I must avoid the many landmines in the form of Hawthorn Needles. Hawthorn Needles contain a venom that makes pain radiate throughout any area it punctures. The suffering lasts for days after injection. 

Thus far I remain unscathed, though I have come perilously close.

Post date: June 27th, 2016

We have rain today. We try to sit inside and not think about the fact that the rain will make the weeds stronger, more plentiful. I have written some poetry to pass the time. I will share it. The title is, Death Is Too Good For Weeds:

Don't close your eyes, for I will stalk you.
I will tear your roots from the soil without remorse.
And should you return, the same will happen.
Over and over and over again. I will stay the course.

I will stay the course when others fall
He will stay the course, he will build the wall
Strawberry Vine, Creeping Charlie, Clover
You have breathed your last. Your time is over.

Post date: June 27th, 2016

I have decided to catalog here the list of our enemies.

Dandelionus Maximus
This is neither dandy, nor is it a lion. The Dandelionus Maximus requires the use of a tool to pry it from the earth. The tool is The Forked Feller, and all weeds will fall before it. I dislike the dandelion because I am forced to use a tool to eradicate it. (I'm more of a hands on gal.) I detest the way its leaflike foliage peeks out from beneath the ivy.

That is all for now.


  1. Oh, the insidious arrogance of the dastardly, evil enemy! But your will is strong. You will prevail! Beware the Hawthorn Needles!

  2. Oh, the insidious arrogance of the dastardly, evil enemy! But your will is strong. You will prevail! Beware the Hawthorn Needles!

  3. Oh, goodness. You've taken on a challenge worthy of a Lancelot or Galahad. May your battle be swift, with victory to the intrepid humans!

  4. May your battle be quick and victory swift!
    good luck and God's blessings

  5. Ha, you make me laugh! Good luck with this, you're a better woman than me! I'd have given up already. :)

  6. I love that all my peeps just roll with whatever nonsense I put up! And you haven't even called me a freak. my face, anyway... Thanks for visiting! :)

  7. Onward, brave woman! May you stay the course and not encounter any rodents.

  8. No rodents, but...
    Tune in next time for a passage from Chronicles of the Ivy!
    You didn't think you folks were getting off that easily?

  9. LOL, MJ. Weeds are evil. Despite all the mulch we put down, those sneaky weeds still creep in. Go get 'em, girl.

    1. I came, I saw, Kicked their butts!
      Thanks for your support, Diane!


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