What is it about weeding that inspires me to write? If you've read my blogs in the past, you may have seen it mentioned before. Maybe it's a bunch of time sitting around, mindlessly plucking the cursed things from my landscaping! A bunch of time when my mind just roams...

I have an enormous ivy bed on one side of my house. It slopes down all along the house, all the way to the property line, and is quite lovely, when it is weeded. This bed is about fifteen years old, so it is THICK--layers upon layers of vines. So when you are pulling weeds, and you want to get close to the ground to get the whole root when you yank, you are reaching through these deep holes, dissecting your way through criss-crossing plant cords, through deciduous debris, old leaves, etc. to the dark and scary bottom.

I harbor no illusions about my ivy bed. I know it is a great habitat for any number of creatures, big and small. I am glad they have a home. Really. I am. I just don't want to see them! I know that many of them are reptilian in nature, not that I have anything against reptiles, per say...I don't mind looking at them BEHIND glass at the zoo. Might even comment that they are fascinating.  Cute, even, if I'm feeling generous. But in my landscaping they tend to attack. And by attack I mean move, in a threatening way, or just...move. Really, I don't mind if they live there--enjoy the cool shade that the ivy offers, the quietude of a little-used portion of our plot of land.  They can relax and kick up their little webbed feet for all I care. I just DON'T WANT TO SEE THEM. EVER!

Today the sump pump was turning on, (I hope) and causing some noise, and movement, in the bed, which made me very nervous. I know that under the ivy is a little prehistoric land where creatures roam and carry on with their everyday lives. They are lurking there, which I don't mind, but they need to stay hidden from my sight at all times. I know to some other reptiles they may be quite attractive, but to me, they just aren't. Hey, I'm not judging...I'm sure that they probably don't find me attractive either, and I understand that. Just keep your distance and we'll be just fine. That's all I'm saying.

And one last thing I need to say about the weeds themselves. Again, I have nothing against weeds, exactly. They just tend to choke out my ivy, which is uncalled for. The ivy was put there by me, the owner of the land, and therefore belongs there, unlike the interloping weeds. I wouldn't mind if the weeds stayed, if they just kept their "hands" to themselves.  But I see the ivy going down, helplessly pulled under by the weeds and smothered out of existence. This sort of violence is unacceptable to me and won't be tolerated. If you wish to live, weeds, I have nothing against you, go live at my neighbors'. No. Not my neighbors' or you may creep over into my yard. At my neighbors' neighbors' house. That's fine. I don't mind. We all have a right to live. Just do it someplace else. After all, I have to establish some "ground rules." (hee-hee!)

There you have it. My thoughts on weeds and weeding. I still have half the ivy bed to go tomorrow. Pray that all goes well.


  1. Mary, great post! I'll be visiting my mom's house tomorrow and guess what I'll be doing there? Yes, amazingly, I'll be helping her weed her ivy patch! :D

    1. Best of luck, Deborah! Hope all residents keep themselves properly hidden!

  2. Yikes. Go get 'em, M.J.
    -R.T. Wolfe

    1. Most of the weeding is now done. Yea! Now I must attack the inside of the house, which is an even scarier proposition!


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